Blast from the Past

This month is a really good month to be a movie geek. Big news from movies just keep coming. Big trailers for anticipated movies also is keep being released. I'm going to rank how their qualities are though. Because, really, do you actually want a Terminator film with a subtitle as bad as Genisys? But let me kick it off with one of the oldest, longest-running movie franchise of all time.

Bonus: Bond

The new James Bond film is titled Spectre. The newcomers include Christoph Waltz, Lea Seydoux, Monica Bellucci, Andrew Scott and Dave Bautista. While the cast is super solid, it is uninspired don't you think? It's like the Les Mis of James Bond films. Christoph Waltz has been the absolute Euro-baddie since Basterds. Lea Seydoux was a super hot super spy in Ghost Protocol. Monica Bellucci has been Bond-girl material since the dawn of men. Dave Bautista has been the henchman since Guardians of the Galaxy. Andrew Scott is the only wildcard although his work on Sherlock is proven to be crazy good. And that title, Spectre. Since Daniel Craig became Bond, the title's evolution has been like this: Casino Royale--classic Fleming title, Quantum of Solace--trying to be Fleming-artsy but failed, Skyfall--finally made an iconic one-title word, Spectre--let's go back to being iconic one-title but failed. But still, it's a Bond film. I'm gonna watch it anyway. Lea Seydoux is literally a goddess and Christoph Waltz is just super entertaining.


#3 Jurassic World
I did a red-alert post on this. I wasn't impressed at all. I was trying to be nice and accept it but I saw The Force Awakens and even fucking Genisys, they could do a good trailer so why can't you?? I'm putting this on the last place mainly because the original was my favorite movie and was my childhood and this new trailer stomped shamelessly on that vivid memories. Fucking CGI, man. Hey, if you're not ready with the practical-effect shot of the gate, WHY FUCKING BOTHER MAKING A FUCKING TRAILER? I was okay-ish on Safety Not Guaranteed, now I kinda hate it.

Best shot

CGI, practical or clay: this would still be awesome. (but don't go on twitter and say, yeah, that's just for the trailer--because actually we freaked out at the negative responses we got on our CGI)

Worst shot

Hands-down, worst CGI in a major Hollywood tentpole trailer in memory

Best line
"You just went and made a new dinosaur? Probably not a good idea."
Because it's true

Worst line
"We have out first genetically modified hybrid"
Because of what Chris Pratt said


#2 Terminator Genisys
Truthfully, the trailer looks solid unlike JW. I like Jason Clarke, I like Emilia Clarke. Arnold's back. The visuals look awesome. But what the hell is going on with the story? I know time-travel shit is messed up but when your headphones' cables were strangled you don't make it even more strangled. Even if you do, you don't shit on the classics. That's the golden rule. Emilia Clarke is definitely not Linda Hamilton, but as evidenced in Game of Thrones she could be a badass. I wouldn't pick Jai Courtney to be Kyle Reese, I would pick fucking Sam Claflin because he looks like Michael Biehn (who, lemme tell you, hate Terminator sequels). I'm gonna timehop one of my tweets that says the new Terminator should get Sam Claflin. And please get Danny Glover to tell Arnold that he's too fucking old for this shit. And if Arnold is back, why isn't Robert Patrick? Why does Skynet make Asian Terminators? I'm Asian so that's not racist. Asians aren't scary you know. You know what's scary? Robert Patrick in T2: Judgment Day.

Best shot

Was torn between Emilia Clarke or this. Here's the Terminator finally realizing 'talk to the hand'

Worst shot

Since everything's changed, now Robert Patrick is Asian. RESET!

Best line
"Come with me if you want to live!" If that was original yeah.
"What you're doing right now, it's the end of the war" that's (not that) awesome

Worst line
 "We can stop judgment day from happening!" 
Uh, why do you want to stop Judgment Day from happening? It isn't The Last Stand and T2 wasn't directed by Brett Ratner.



#1 Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Now, dear people who are making money out of ruining our beloved memories: this is how you do a trailer. It's everything you wanted to see in a trailer. It's gorgeous. It's classic. That crossguard lightsaber? Awesome. Daisy Ridley? Awesome. John Boyega? Awesome. Falcon? Awesome. Theme song? Better than ever.

Best shot

 First Falcon shot of Episode VII. Runner up would be that badass lightsaber.

Best line
"There has been an awakening. Have you felt it? The darkness and the light."
YES

Worst shot and worst line
NOT APPLICABLE


Prossima settimana:
il review per Magic in the Moonlight
o
mio giornale viaggio (is this perfect italian)