Stop Pirating

This is my first summer movie ever to be watched in some low quality, Russian-filmed, pirated DVD. The irony was  I was watching a pirated copy of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. First of all, I'm a huge Pirates fan. I love At World's End so much that I despise the idea of having the third sequel. With all those trailers and clips, I'm not still interested. But, let's check it out.

The story picks up where it left off where Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) was in quest for The Fountain of Youth. No Will Turner, no Elizabeth, no Cotton, no Marty. He suddenly met his former arch-nemesis Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) who is now in under the command of the King (Richard Griffiths, uncle Vernon) who also desire the Fountain. A few unimportant details later, Jack boards the Queen Anne's Revenge, thanks to Angelica (Penelope Cruz). It was Blackbeard's (Ian McShane) ship, going for a race to the fountain with his sword-controlled ship and zombie crews. They will encounter mermaids, an awkward-Will Turner-ish missionary, and Spaniards in order to get there.

This gotta be the worst Pirates movie ever. All those billion dollars collected throughout the world was for nothing. Pirates are bound at sea, where's that 'my love is for the sea' thing? But here they only sailed for a couple of minutes. There wasn't even the Jack Sparrow entrance song! It's an outrage! No Black Pearl, the Black Pearl was in a bottle. Blackbeard wasn't devilish enough to match Davy Jones or even Lord Cutler Beckett. He never showed up on his ship before but then after Jack came, he even walk with his zombie crews! Hans Zimmer at the scoring is lazy he's using songs from the previous movies not at the right time. He suddenly put the Beckett finale in a mermaid scene, Up is Down on another. It's not creative, it's not recycle, it's lazy. This is just a chapter worth telling from Gibbs' mouth, not worth filming. Just like that hurricane in Tripoli with Norrington (see Dead Man's Chest). Johnny Depp's charm as Jack is failing, it's like he didnt even want to be here. What's up with all that powder on Barbossa's face? The pregnant Penelope is also visible, her face is getting chubbier within days. Don't let me start on that Philip missionary.The 3D shots are silly (pointing your sword to the camera is not cool, Blackbeard, nor do your skeleton hands). The only interesting part was the mermaid scene, courtesy of Gemma Ward and the thrill, other than that, nothing. since they werent even at any tides, it's not stranger tides, it's a mistake. It's way better to make your own story than to loosely adapt a book. It's a theme park adaptation, not a book adaptation anyway. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides: rated D+