Dead Men Should Stay Dead

If you follow my blog, you'll know that I am the biggest Pirates of the Caribbean ever. I used to shy away when I'm asked about my favorite film. I'd say like Fight Club, Magnolia, Interstellar, etc. All of it I truly liked. But my honest answer would be Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Now I would just say it. No shame, no regrets. Think what you may, but for me, that film taught me spectacle in filmmaking (that 'Up is Down' sequence!) and intricate plot techniques with a buttload of characters. I thought Pirates 3 was a great ending to the franchise, then Disney became greedy and fucked it up with the highly terrible, almost unwatchable On Stranger Tides and this year, Dead Men Tell No Tales, which kinda look promising, despite the lazy CGI on Javier Bardem.

But color me wrong (is this an expression?). I won't get to the story details because I would be pissed. First of all, I don't think the writer Jeff Nathanson understands the Pirates lore and mythology, despite his character Henry claimed to have read all myths of the seas. This film could be a comeback for the franchise but he decided to do it simple-mindedly and dishonor the characters. Be warned, spoilers will follow. Jack Sp--I mean, Captain Jack Sparrow is reduced to a drunk. He used to be a swordsmaster, master planner, the man with the plan and escape plan. Here, he's just... there. He makes this weird decisions that is unlike his character. His traded his compass, then he remarked "Pirates life." He would trade other stuff but not his compass. His best friend and foe died, he just remarked, "Pirates life." WHAT THE FUCK. Where is the Jack who voted Elizabeth to be the Pirate King? Where is the Jack who didn't stab Davy Jones' heart when he could after Will was stabbed first by Davy Jones? It's frustrating because it is so out of character. Second character dishonored: William Turner. As we know, Will Turner is bound to the Dutchman, and he has to do his task (one of them carry the dead souls to the afterlife). Here, he's cursed. Why? Did he decide to go crazy and turn into Davy Jones? Third character dishonored: Gibbs. Gibbs has a penchant for storytelling. He knows all the lores too. Someone mentioned the Trident of Poseidon in this film, and Gibbs is not compelled to tell us a few facts about it? Highly unlikely. Also, the timeline is confusing. I believe Nathanson didn't watch At World's End until the very end. Don't they have a writer's room for this? If so, I will volunteer to work for free.

The weird, out-of-character problem takes me away from this film. It's sad, because the film is actually not that bad. It's so much better than Pirates 4, but it's way below Pirates 2 (My original trilogy ideal order is 3-1-2). The story is pretty okay, but I just think the Trident that can break all curse is a bit too almighty. Why didn't we get the trident from the first film then? It has some cool moments like the flashback scene. I super liked Kaya Scodelario in this film. Brenton Thwaites isn't given enough stuff to go for, even though he's quite pivotal in this film. Geoffrey Rush is great in this film as always and his character is not betrayed in this film by the writers. The third act with the "Red Sea moment" is quite a mess. It's super messy that it destroyed one of the most heartbreaking plot in the film. The directors of Kon-Tiki are behind this one, they did a passable studio job I guess, with a bit of their style intact. All in all, the film tried to introduce new stuff while embracing the nostalgia of the original trilogy but let's face it, the franchise should have stopped 10 years ago. I will hate Disney if they make another one, especially after that shit you guys call a post-credit scene. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales: rated 2/4.


PS. I still believe The Lone Ranger is actually Pirates IV.

Never Too Street To Be A King

Guy Ritchie's always a director with a distinct style. His films is always stylish and modern, even his Victorian Sherlock Holmes films. It's a bit intriguing what he's going to do with the Camelot lore and boy, he delivered it. Honestly, the film trailers didn't interest me. But it looks solid even though it is lacking recognizable actors apart from Jude Law, Charlie Hunnam and Eric Bana.

The story established that Camelot is full with magic and giant creatures. If you've accepted this, then you'll have a good time. Even I immediately went skeptical when seeing those Lord of the Rings Oliphant within 2 minutes of the film. In this film, Arthur was dumped to the streets, raised there, and has to accept his destiny as the true King, not his uncle Vortigen who embraces the dark magic and sorcery to gain power. Yes, the story is a bit Lion King, and on paper this film should be a massive bore. But enter Guy Ritchie.

The film owes its energy to Guy Ritchie's superb style and Daniel Pemberton's unique score. The Snatch story-telling technique works here to trim duration and boredom that arise from traditional storytelling. And honestly, it turns the boo-hoo scenes into great sequence (the Darklands parts) or electric montage (that beginning!) The film also owes itself to a committed cast found in Charlie Hunnam who bulked up and delivers as King Arthur, Jude Law who chews scenery (in a good way) like that giant snake chews people (this is a good spoiler so you know what to expect--I didn't) and the underused but super likable supporting cast such as Djimon Hounsou, Aidan Gillen, those two Arthur buddies and his kid. Daniel Pemberton's score deserves a mention because it's different. Sometimes it's your typical Zimmer Inception booms, but when it's not the sound is unique, some I bet are experimental using actual whistles and breathings. The parts that bothers me the most is when they decide to go overboard with the CGI such as in the final boss battle and the mighty sword sequences. It's almost like Warner Bros decide to get a super high Zack Snyder to direct them. And in my opinion, the sword's power is annoyingly too powerful, it's like a cheat mode in video games. I hate that this film is flopping and it's getting the hate reviews it does not deserve. But for some reason, I am relieved that it won't be turned into a franchise machine because I think it wouldn't work (the sword powers is one of the reasons it wouldn't work). But on the other hand, I hate that this film is less successful than that other budding WB franchise (read: Kong vs Godzilla franchise). Do watch this in the biggest screen possible or watch this cautiously if you can't accept that Guy Ritchie is doing a medieval film. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword: rated 3.5/4


Fun fact: this is my favorite summer movie so far this year. Will probably watch this in 4D Cinema, because I think that is why that video game-like sequences exist in this film.

In Space No One Can Hear You Scream/Dance

Heya there, summer is here. And I guess it's a good time for me to post regularly again. The summer started with Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 around two weeks ago. And then this week we have Alien: Covenant and King Arthur: Legend of the Sword. For compactness sake, I'm combining the posts for Guardians and Covenant, because both have something to do with space? Be warned, spoilers follow.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
First off, GOTG2 might be the only Marvel film that doesn't spoil its story in the official trailer. I applaud this film for it. And if you didn't follow the news or the comics, the villain reveal in this film is quite nice. The film has a unique additional energy thanks to Kurt Russell's appearance as Ego. I'd love to praise Pom Klementief who does Mantis in this film, but she didn't have much. Instead, her character is the subject of the biggest nagging problem in this film. Mantis is constantly verbally harassed by Drax and it seems like the film is okay with it. It's disturbing to have this kind of content in a superhero film. Aside from that, the film gives us more Yondu which is great. But this film also wasted Elizabeth Debicki. So, yeah, mixed feelings.

The film overall maintains the same amount of fun, if not, has less energy than the first film. Mostly due to its restrained setting and nature of the film as a stand alone and as an entry in the MCU. The cast is great. And is this the easiest paycheck that Vin Diesel has collected? He says like two lines (the same line), and his voice is edited. Why bother with Diesel at all? The characters I want to be expanded more are Gamora and Nebula. They seem to take the backseat in the Quill drama, Drax's shenanigans and Rocket's amazing prison break with Yondu and BG. The music seem to also take a backseat with the exception of three featured songs: Mr. Blue Sky, Fleetwood Mac's The Chain and Cat Steven's Father and Son. But my biggest complaint is the third act Earth scenes which reminds me of Fant4stic's third act Earth scenes, because it's so disconnected and routine. This film feels like a missed opportunity because it has a better villain than Ronan, but the film is not better than the first as a whole. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: rated 3/4.

Alien: Covenant
The second space film of the summer is Ridley Scott's full return to the Alien franchise, after shying away with the quasi-prequel Prometheus, which I must warn you, is one of my favorite space films. The film opens with a great scene between Michael Fassbender's David and Guy Pearce's Weyland. After that the film kind of deteriorates. The 15 crews of Covenant are comprised of couples looking to colonize a new planet but they detour to another planet after picking up a distress signal. Ridley Scott made a great film, direction-wise, visual-wise and production design-wise. On those departments, the film is crazy good. It's almost effortless for Ridley Scott to make a film on this level. On the story department however, the film kinda sucked. Personally, I'm most disappointed at the way they treated Elizabeth Shaw's storyline from Prometheus. It's the equivalent to the opening of Alien3 to Aliens. She deserved better in my honest opinion. Then they decide to make David the main antagonist, even going as far to make him the creator of the aliens. I must admit it creates a good arc for him, coupled with the Weyland opening scene, but it's bollocks for the franchise.

The characters in Covenant are way too expendable and forgettable. From 15, you might only remember 6 by name, and 10 by face. If you think the Prometheus crew were incompetent, this one's way more incompetent. Exhibit A: they decide to abandon their vetted destination for a just discovered planet. The film's great if you're one of the audience who complained that there were no Xenomorphs in Prometheus, despite Ridley Scott and Damon Lindelof saying that it would not feature aliens. Honestly, this film's quality is on you whiny fans. Good for you, this films feature all you want from an Alien film. Facehugger? Check. Chestburster? Check. Xenomorph? Check. New alien breed? Check. As for Michael Fassbender, the 'stars' of this film, I felt like even he plays two androids in this film, I still feel his performance as David in Prometheus is so much more impactful. But the scenes featuring both of them on screen are easily better than any scenes featuring any Covenant crew interaction (save for any Danny McBride's), even the erotic flute 'fingering' scenes. Also, there is a bad editing and staging for the twist in this film that involves Fass's androids that makes Life's predictable twist ending seems superior. I just think this film is disappointing for me for its creative choices. Now let's just hope Damon Lindelof publishes his intended Prometheus sequel somewhere. Because the promised answers to Prometheus are still left unanswered. Seriously, why did the Engineers want to kill us humans? Alien: Covenant: rated 2.5/4.

Up next, Guy Ritchie's King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, which is bombing in theatres near you, but pretty entertaining in my opinion.

Back From Hiatus: The Three-Sentence Reviews

Hello I'm back after two months hiatus. It's like Kong: Skull Island, scarred me to review films again. Pardon my hatred on Kong: Skull Island, but it is well-found. But the truth is, I've just been lazy. There's a buttload of movies I watched since, and to recap, I'll give a brief review of each films.

Beauty and the Beast
The latest Disney is beautiful and amazing to look at. I will always remember this film as the film that gives Ewan McGregor's jaw-droppingly awesome voice the spotlight it deserved after Moulin Rouge. Great cast, great production design, it's simply magical. Beauty and the Beast: rated 3.5/4

Life
I had zero expectations for this film but it delivered the thrill and chill you need for a space-horror film. It has great lead actors in Jake Gyllenhaal and Rebecca Ferguson, production design and classily directed by Daniel Espinosa. The story is a bit predictable, plot-driven and dumb in some places, plus, that ending wouldn't be a massive eye-roller if they edited it better. Life: rated 2.5/4.

Get Out
Welcome to Hollywood, Jordan Peele. His aptly timed and woke film is filled with imageries and chilling story that guarantees multiple viewings. It's a crazy experience and it's not only applicable to racism in USA but also everywhere where racism exists. Get Out: 3.5/4

Ghost in the Shell
This film deserves a large screen viewing just for its gorgeous visuals and color palette. The action is super cool and the film features a good cast. Sadly, the whitewashing in this film is the last thing you should complain about because there is something worse in this film as they try to justify their casting choices. Ghost in the Shell: rated 3/4.

Power Rangers
The film has a unique style and energy, even though it features five no-name actors for the leads. It has a pretty satisfying human story but there is just not enough Power Rangers action in this film. Honestly, they're only fighting in the third act and it's shorter than Batman fighting Superman. Power Rangers: rated 2.5/4.

Free Fire
The film has one of the coolest premises I've heard and it featured underrated actors like Sharlto Copley and Cillian Murphy. The film is funny but it's super violent, almost borderline psychotic. Also, there's not enough story to justify the endless shootings, no matter how funny they are. Free Fire: rated 2/4.

The Fate of the Furious
As always, the franchise is crazy, loud and super entertaining. Just when you thought the film was getting too serious, they inserted dumb plot points and action scenes which is true in Fast & Furious fashion and I do not want these films to be too serious. This film is extra funny and super satisfying with its team-ups it almost made The Avengers look like a bunch of school kids forced to make a study group by their teachers. FF8: rated 3.5/4.

Up next:
Double reviews of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and Alien: Covenant.