Delayed Summer

It's May 23. If I'm living in a normal country I would have watched Avengers: Age of Ultron, Mad Max: Fury Road, Pitch Perfect 2, and this week I would be preparing for Tomorrowland. But I'm not. There was actually a shed of hope when Dwayne Johnson-starring San Andreas was scheduled for Japanese release on May 30. That was already a peculiar start for one of the most explosive summers in memory but then the release date was scrapped until further notice. Fuck. I actually will have a holiday next weekend and that weekend I'm not going to the cinemas unless I am rewatching Run All Night. Anyway, for a year that has the second Avengers movie and the seventh Star Wars, the first months of 2015 was pretty much quiet. There are very few mainstream movies that are worth mentioning. The following are those few.

Kingsman: The Secret Service
I watched this twice in cinema just because it's that awesome. Simply the funnest thing to arrive in cinemas in a million years. Matthew Vaughn sure knows how to blow things up and fuck things up. I like the cast for the fact it counter-cast everyone. Sam L. Jackson as a villainous muthaffughha, Colin Firth as an all-round badass sporting all kinds of badassery, and Mark Strong as a nerdy spy agent. This film could be silly but thank heavens it didn't. It kicks all kind of asses. Manners maketh men bitchessss. Oxford not brogues y'allllll.



Cinderella
An honest-to-God film. Screw them gritty grit grittiness. Fuck those realistic realism. We go to the movies to escape. To feel wonder. To be awed. Cinderella is simply beautiful. I couldn't care less on Lily James' hyper skinny waist or Robb Stark's uber blue eyes. Y'all just jealous that you're not in it you miserable people. Feel those magic in every frame. Be creeped out by Cate Blanchett. Tap your feet as Cinderella takes the first dance. Feel your body shiver when Cinderella enters the ball. Cry when Cinderella wants to take her mother's dress with her. That's what you should do instead of complain. I also watched this twice in cinema. It's that good yo. Maleficent is shit, but this is da shit!

And these films fall in the category of 'I'd love to love them more but I couldn't'

Furious 7
That sincere closing scene is just the most tear-inducing scene ever. And it's just too hard not to shed a tear, because if you didn't you need to get your soul checked. However, the rest of the film is just too much. Ever eat so much food until you're full but you keep on eating? Ever got drunk until you pass out but in your unconsciousness you keep on drinking? It felt like shit innit? That's what the action of Furious 7 are. Oh they crashed thru a skyscraper? Oh another one? Oh it falls? Aight. Sometimes the phrase 'non-stop action' is awesome, but in this case it's not. For the record, I love Fast Five and I like Fast & Furious 6 more than this.

Focus
A very cool film. Will Smith, YEAH. Margot Robbie, TRIPLE YEAHS. Pretty slick scenes. Great exotic setting. It's a very entertaining film. That stadium scene is still the best scene of 2015 for me. The coolness of the whole film is only brought down by the unclimactic ending. It is still a very well made film though.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Sponge Out of Water
This is a very funny film. VEEEERY funny and VEEEEEEERY weird. The demographic for this film are kids aged 0-10 and people on acid. There's a talking dolphin. A sponge and a starfish destroying Jupiter. A too-long rap song. And an actual acid trip accompanied by a stoner song. It's still so funny though. But man, like acid, you'd think again to give it another go. Unless you really like acid.


And this one is just simply bad

Fifty Shades of Grey
I'm not going to justify this as a legit film with a further description. Trust me, it is way beyond bad.

But do watch Ex Machina though, because that's like hyper art. Alex Garland, Alicia Vikander and Oscar Isaac combined to create perfect gold.

Next film review would be Tomorrowland early June