Retalia-meh

About eight months ago, the sequel to the Stephen Sommers-directed G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra was bumped to March 2013. That particular sequel is being helmed by the guy who brought you Step Up movies and most recently a Justin Bieber 3D concert movie. My expectation was low for this movie, obviously. Add the fact that the movie only used one--let me repeat that for ya-ONE good guy from the original film. I'm actually fine with it until I knew that that one guy isn't going to survive the whole movie just from the trailer. And then they added Dwayne Johnson, Bruce Willis and some miscellaneous names. But they just didn't sell it for me. I hated this film as soon as the trailer arrives, I mean it's not a good sign right? This is the kind of movie that falls to the category "An Uninteresting Movie That Looks Bad But I'd Like To Watch So I Can Talk Crap About It". The latest entry to this category is last year's The Amazing Spider-Man. Let me make this perfectly clear that I never saw G.I. Joe cartoons or play with the action figures so I'm perfectly viewing this from a moviegoer perspective that already saw the passable-yet-awesome Rise of Cobra.

G.I. Joe Retaliation, obviously tells the Cobra Commander's retaliation after being locked up in a super prison. The Cobra in this film has the unexplained-back-from-dead Storm Shadow, Firefly and Zartan (Imhotep) who infiltrates as POTUS whereas the Joes has Snake Eyes (....), Roadblock (the CIA guy from Fast Five), Lady Jaye (Brenda), Flint (what kind of cool nickname is FLINT?) and the original Joe (John McClane). Basically, the fraud president is being an ass and tries to get rid of the GI Joe to make way for Cobra to show-off their latest weapon Zeus, which is a bomb-dropping satellite.

Despite being one of the biggest film this month, it's not that good as promised. It's never a good sign when you got bored 15 minutes into the movie. And it's definitely not a good sign when the most okay character is the one who has no face and dialogue. One thing for sure, the visual effects disaster GI Joe: Rise of Cobra is way better than this one. The characters are unlikeable, especially Flint. Flint, a stupid, show-off Joe who made Channing Tatum died and in the words of Sherlock Holmes, lower the IQ of the whole block. The whole team's chemistry is none especially if you compare it to the first one's. I'd definitely trade Marlon Wayans for three Roadblocks for sure. The whole team is like a collage from other movies. I'd say it's a combination of a retired John McClane and Hobbs from Fast & Furious. And that decision to kill Channing Tatum affects me gravely. I actually think the movie ends right when Tatum dies. And don't get me started on RZA as the blind master which is hands down the silliest thing since the water-bender teacher in The Last Airbender. I'd like to think that Bruce Willis and Dwayne Johnson are despicably underused here. The action scenes are heavily edited or may be it is my fault that I didn't pay attention much. Great job hiring a dance film director for an action movie. However I'd like to give credit for every scene that has Snake Eyes in it and of course the cliff sword battle scene--which is unfortunately the only action scene that is worthwhile in this film. The other good point in this film: Jonathan Pryce. I just thought the first one gave so much material to continue and they just decided to reboot the whole thing. Retaliation may be this year's biggest disappointment and this is nothing compared to the silly-yet action-packed Rise of Cobra. The worst thing is that this film is a disappointment even after I had very low expectations on this film. My advice: team-up with Marlon Wayans, Rachel Nichols, Dennis Quaid and Sienna Miller and remove Flint for the third movie. G.I. Joe Retaliation: rated 1.5/4