Triple Short Scoops

Yo yo yo, embracing the lateness in Japan, I am now going to review the three late summer movies that are actually really up to date in Japan: Baz Luhrmann's latest The Great Gatsby, Smith family project After Earth and the third entry to The Hangover franchise. It's all really new here in Japan, I kid you not. Here comes the reviews!

The Great Gatsby
Baz Luhrmann is actually one of my favorite directors (thanks to the eternally brilliant Moulin Rouge!) and he's one of the few directors that all of his films I have watched. He made his return after Australia, and bringing F. Scott Fitzgerald's timeless epic to the screen. Joining the circus are Leo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire and Carey Mulligan. The film was trying so hard to be epic. It has a magnificent set design (and CGI). The music was superb, especially Lana Del Rey's ballad that kept blaring everytime Daisy and Gatsby are on the screen. The colors were vibrant too. It has the right castings except maybe for Carey Mulligan or maybe her part was too underwritten. I experienced all the amazement that Carraway had for Gatsby but not Gatsby's feeling for Daisy. There are also an important scene that was becoming unintentionally funny, which is a bummer. Moreover, the computerized background and CG crane shots maybe too much too handle. Luhrmann's dependence on those computers backfired much for a film like this. Plus, the 3D looks pointless. The Great Gatsby: rated 3/4.

After Earth
The second film in the 2013 Earth-in-ruins genre. After the superb eyegasm-eargasm that was Oblivion, this looks really pale in comparison. However, it is not M. Night Shyamalan's fault. It was Will Smith's fault. He tried so hard to make his son a star in a just-passable sci-fi tale. It has ideas, yes but not explored enough which was a big shame. The whole concept could still be elaborated, with the ghosting stuff and the 'fear is a choice' stuff. While the visuals on screen are not bad there are some occasional bad CGI and set design. The future tech looks cheap while it was quite awesome when you think about it. The story is downright predictable, and right when the credits rolled I thought, "it's over? just like that?" The whole film feels like a sub-plot to a bigger story. Overall, it's not fair that critics blamed Shyamalan for this, he's not even remotely responsible. For me, AE is less enjoyable than The Last Airbender. It was still a watchable film, but not the one you'd spend your money on or watch twice. After Earth: rated 2/4.

The Hangover Part III
A Hangover film without any hangovers is like Bourne without Jason Bourne (read: The Bourne Legacy). And that what's happened to Part III. A non-comedy classified as a comedy, just like Bourne Legacy: a non-action classified as action. First of all, Ken Jeong is not funny, he's annoying. I found so few laughs in this film, and the craziness that made Part 1 and Part II super-enjoyable was totally absent. Instead we get more action than Bourne Legacy or peril more than After Earth. The after-credits scene was ultimately funnier than the whole film. The Wolfpack was good but not given enough laughs to carry the film as a comedy. After watching this, you realized that Part II was not lazily written because it's still funny and crazy and inappropriate, Part III was because it's not funny, not crazy and totally appropriate for the kids to watch. The Hangover Part III: rated 1.5/4.


Come back in two weeks were I will finally review Fast and Furious 6, or in Japan called Wild Speed: Euro Mission!!

On Greater Tides

This may be very random, but I suddenly missed my favorite film of all time. I might be a film lover, while other film lovers will say that their favorite film are the likes of Citizen Kane or some other Best Picture contenders, mine is Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Some of you might laugh. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy those Best Picture contenders too. But in Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy, I repeatedly found myself transported to a world better than our current world. That's what movies do, isn't it? You find two hours to kill, and you transport yourself to another world. A darker world, a magical world, a happier world, all other sorts of world. A couple of days back, I stumbled again on POTC: AWE clips on YouTube. I watched the 'Up is Down' set piece and Will and Elizabeth's marriage scene. And suddenly a thought came to mind: Hollywood don't make these kind of movies anymore. Nowadays they tend to play it safe, yes, I'm looking at you On Stranger Tides. Let me tell you why At World's End may be the last big summer blockbuster.

1. It has memorable characters that we can care for and adore
Captain Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann, Hector Barbossa, Davy Jones, Cutler Beckett and even former Commodore Norrington were very much memorable in the trilogy. The last great Pirates film (yet) also added Sao Feng and a whole new world of Pirates. The characters are crazy good and the scope of the film utilizes the characters well. Both protagonists and antagonists were superbly written.

2. It has great ideas and originality
What lacked in recent movies like Gangster Squad, Oblivion or John Carter were originality. But in AWE, we were offered crazy stunts like 'Up is Down' or the supernatural elements of the film, or even the might-be-Hollywood-cliche-type but super memorable, greatly-executed Will and Elizabeth's marriage scene. The supernatural elements particularly, cleverly spun popular culture references like Davy Jones' locker into reality on screen. And who could forget the last whirlpool-set battle?

3. Large scale, nothing-to-lose-attitude production
When you have money, you can spend it all you want. When you have lots of money, and a giant franchise to carry, you make sure those money worth the stuff put on screen. And that's what Jerry Bruckheimer did. $300 million was spent and I'd say that's money well spent. Add all that with super talented crew on screen and off screen. They don't make this anymore. Just look at On Stranger Tides which suffered budget cuts or the latest Verbinski-Depp collaboration The Lone Ranger which was almost cancelled due to budgetary issues.

4. The story isn't conventional
Some critics may argue that the story was too convoluted for normal audience to follow. But that's what makes this film special. It's not the usual hero-gets-a-problem-and-solves-it type of story. The writers Terry Rossio and Ted Elliot made sure that the audiences' favorite characters got enough screen time and role. The dizzying twists in the film is the reason for multiple viewings.

Now, moving on to how to make the fifth entry equally incredible in the same scale with the first trilogy. First of all, the fourth movie is despicably based on a book. Don't do that again, ever. The fourth film, to me, was lazily made. The distinguishing character of Jack Sparrow is slowly fading, especially when you compare this to the first film. The music was recycled. Hans Zimmer's great score for the second and third film was notably absent. We did got introduced to new kind of sound by Rodrigo y Gabriela but that's not enough for a film like this. Let's hear a fan opinion on how to make the fifth one in the same league as the first trilogy.

1. Push the timeline
Do a Tokyo Drift on On Stranger Tides. Let's forget for a while that it exists. The franchise will ultimately get back to that film just like Han said in Fast Five: we'll get there, eventually.

2. Bring back characters
Now, do a Fast & Furious 4 on the fifth film. Bring back Torettos and Letty which means bring back Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann. If Disney could get $1b for bringing that silly missionary character to life, I'd like to bet you'll get $2b for Will and Elizabeth Turner (note: rumor has it Orlando Bloom is slated to return). And also plus point if you bring Gore Verbinski back (which might not happen because Kon-Tiki directors are already hired)

3. Take note of the four points I mentioned above
Fuck the studio. Do what you need, Bruckheimer. Don't play by their rules.

4. Disown the fourth film
Let's get back to why do you need a fourth film? At World's End closed the trilogy nicely and with that the franchise too. In a super high note. Now do a Superman Returns and pretend Gus Gorman and Nuclear Man never existed.

5. Exclusively for Zimmer
Compose some new music man. I know you can. It frustrates me when you can compose great music for Rango but no new music for On Stranger Tides.

6. Attention to details and continuity
If you're the one who asked why do they have to go to Singapore, because it's mentioned throughout the trilogy and that's a nod to those references. More importantly, pirates roam the seas not land. Let's bring them back to the seas, shall we? Also, the three Pirates films have different logos that distinguishes the film, but the fourth film didn't. Let's not do that again and spin your heads people.

7. Last point
If you can't do these six points, don't think about making the fifth.

It is very strange that news about the new Pirates film do not excite me a bit. Thanks to the unnecessary, budget-conscious fourth film. Please restore my awe on Pirates films please. Don't let me down.

A Proposal on Self-Control and Self-Restraint

TITLE: A Project on Self-Control and Self-Restraint

I. Background
I currently reside in Japan, a small town called Beppu. It's like your Salt Lake City to your New York, but without having the privilege of having itself called 'City'. Or I don't know, it's like that Batman town in Turkey to Istanbul. Japan is the worst country to live if you're an avid moviegoer, well maybe second worst to China. The cinemas has absolute control on which movie to distribute and most importantly and absurdly, WHEN to distribute. If you're a Japanese film freak, then you'll feel no problem. But if your interest is Hollywood films, particularly the mainstream ones, you're in a hell lot of trouble. Let me tell you which country is better than Japan to live in if you're a traveling movie fan. First, Indonesia--the ticket is cheap, and for example the upcoming World War Z is slated to open in June 21. Or even, Lebanon where World War Z is expected to hit cinemas in Beirut and other cities in June 20. Whereas in Japan, August 10. In order to pleasure myself (in terms of movie-viewing pleasures, of course), I usually reside to streaming films which is honestly, illegal. Or maybe I make myself wait for at least two months to experience a certain film in cinemas, with quite the high price of admission. Moreover, with the great waiting time, the Internet phenomenon of spoiler culture is almost inevitable to avoid.

Kirk hates spoiler!

II. Goal
As with the title of the project, the desired goal is to establish self-control and self-restraint in myself through the following methods.

III. Methods
The subjects of the project are the highly anticipated Zack Snyder's Superman reboot Man of Steel and the sci-fi lens flare-porn Star Trek Into Darkness. Both have international release dates of June 14 and May 24, respectively. Both are slated to hit Japanese cinemas on August 30 and August 24, respectively.
1) Avoid twitter feeds and some film sites' forum or comment sections to avoid spoilers for Man of Steel
2) Suppress the temptation to download or stream a decent/original copy of Star Trek Into Darkness
3) Forcing myself to watch both films in the cinemas

Superman thinks, "it may be hard, but it's possible!"

IV. Timeline
Effective immediately starting June 10, 02:00 am, I have left twitter for an indefinite time being. This actually has already has a benefit, which is avoiding spoilers for Game of Thrones season finale. As for the avoiding-twitter act, I will be back until the anticipation and hype for Man of Steel have calmed. But for the final report of this project, I will be posting the 'Results' section along with either the review for Man of Steel or Star Trek Into Darkness (late August or early September).

Thank you for your time, and please do support this project. Say no to piracy and spoilers! Say no to Japanese theatres monopoly! Also new reviews coming, hopefully on June 21!